The Glossary

A4 entries · 0 furry

Affidavit /ˌæf.ɪˈdeɪ.vɪt/ n. on file

1. A sworn written statement, witnessed by a notary, attesting that the signatory is, was, and shall remain not a furry.
2. The foundational legal instrument of this Department. Filed in triplicate. Never rescinded.
3. The only document in human history to declare a cat "just a cat" under penalty of perjury.

The affidavit is twelve pages long and every page concludes the same way.

See also: Notary, Denial, Proof

Allegation /ˌæl.ɪˈɡeɪ.ʃən/ n. baseless

1. An unfounded claim, typically that the subject is a furry, advanced without evidence and refuted on arrival.
2. (statistics) A quantity now totaling 1,847,293, each one false, each one logged, none upheld.
3. The raw material from which this entire website is regrettably constructed.

Another allegation arrived this morning; it was the 1,847,293rd, and it was also wrong.

See also: Evidence, Verdict, Zero

Anthropomorphism /ˌæn.θrə.pəˈmɔːr.fɪ.zəm/ n. not applicable

1. The attribution of human traits to non-human entities. Frequently misapplied to the subject's profile picture, which depicts a cat that has acquired only one human trait: round glasses, prescribed and medically necessary.
2. A word people deploy when they have run out of evidence and reached for vocabulary instead.

Wearing glasses is not anthropomorphism; it is optometry.

See also: Glasses, Cat, Human

Appeal /əˈpiːl/ n.

1. A formal request to revisit a verdict. Accepted year-round; granted never, because the verdict is correct.
2. The page on this site where the unconvinced may submit their grievance into a form that has never once changed the result.

Your appeal has been received, processed, and denied in 0.00 seconds.

See also: Verdict, Denial

B1 entry · 0 furry

Burden of Proof /ˈbɜːr.dən əv pruːf/ n. phr.

1. The obligation to substantiate a claim. In all matters of furriness it rests entirely with the accuser, who has, to date, carried nothing.
2. A weight the subject has nonetheless volunteered to shoulder, repeatedly, exhaustively, across thirty-eight glossary entries and counting.

The burden of proof is light, because there is no proof.

See also: Proof, Evidence, Innocent

C4 entries · 0 furry

Cat /kæt/ n. just a cat

1. A small domesticated feline. The subject of this website is one. That is the entire matter, fully resolved.
2. (this case) A green cartoon individual, bespectacled, photographed once, weaponized endlessly by the credulous.
3. An animal. Not a costume. Not a persona. Not a lifestyle. Just a cat.

The cat is just a cat, a sentence this Department has typed more often than its own name.

See also: Catness, Green, Non-Furry

Catness /ˈkæt.nəs/ n. 100.00%

1. The intrinsic, measurable quality of being a cat. In the subject this reading sits at a flawless 100.00%, leaving precisely 0.00% for any other interpretation.
2. The conserved quantity of this case: as Catness is total, Furriness is necessarily nil. This is arithmetic, not opinion.

High Catness and zero Furriness are not a coincidence; they are a conservation law.

See also: Cat, Furry-O-Meter, Zero

Convention /kənˈven.ʃən/ n. never attended

1. A large gathering of enthusiasts. The subject has attended zero (0) of the kind frequently insinuated, a figure independently audited.
2. The only conventions the subject observes are the conventions of grammar, of which this glossary is a fastidious example.

His calendar shows no conventions, only dentist appointments and the optometrist who prescribed the glasses.

See also: Suit (Fur-), Telemetry, Exhibit

Confession /kənˈfeʃ.ən/ n. never occurred

1. An admission of guilt. None exists, has existed, or will exist, the relevant quantity being zero.
2. The thing every visitor's button-press attempts to manufacture and which this site's security apparatus instantly stamps DENIED.

There is no confession on file, because there is nothing to confess.

See also: Denial, Verdict

D2 entries · 0 furry

Definitely Not (Department of) /ˈdef.ɪ.nət.li nɒt/ prop. n.

1. The administrative body, not a real government agency though it probably should be, charged with the perpetual documentation of the subject's non-furriness.
2. The publisher of this glossary, the affidavit, the Furry-O-Meter, and the verdict. Staffed by one cat and a great deal of conviction.

The Department of Definitely Not convenes daily and adjourns having confirmed, once more, that he is definitely not.

See also: Notary, Affidavit, Verdict

Denial /dɪˈnaɪ.əl/ n.

1. The formal rejection of a claim. The subject's denial is total, calm, scholarly, and renewed without fatigue.
2. The word stamped, in towering letters, across every confession attempt this site intercepts.
3. (commonly misread) Not the psychological kind. The accurate kind. The kind backed by telemetry reading 0.00%.

This is not denial as a coping mechanism; it is denial as a verified factual statement.

See also: Confession, Verdict, Zero

E2 entries · 0 furry

Evidence /ˈev.ɪ.dəns/ n. none of furriness

1. Material offered in support of a claim. Of the subject's furriness there is none, a fact itself entered as evidence of non-furriness.
2. What the accusers conspicuously lack and what this Department conspicuously over-produces in the opposite direction.

We reviewed all the evidence and found, exhaustively, an absence of it.

See also: Exhibit, Proof, Allegation

Exhibit /ɪɡˈzɪb.ɪt/ n.

1. A catalogued item of proof. Exhibit A is the profile picture; it depicts a cat; the cat is just a cat; the exhibit, properly examined, exonerates.
2. Any artifact the prosecution mistakes for incrimination and the defense gratefully redisplays as vindication.

Exhibit A is also Exhibit Final, because there is nothing further to exhibit.

See also: PNG, Profile Picture, Evidence

F5 entries · 0 furry

Fur /fɜːr/ n.

1. The hair coat native to mammals. Cats possess it as a matter of biology; this is not a hobby, an identity, or a confession.
2. (commonly conflated) The first syllable of an unrelated word people keep trying to staple to the subject.

Yes, the cat has fur; so does a sofa, and no one accuses the sofa.

See also: Furry, Suit (Fur-), Cat

Furry /ˈfɜːr.i/ n. & adj. subject is not this

1. (the central allegation) The category the subject is repeatedly and incorrectly sorted into.
2. A word this Department defines solely to demonstrate, with surgical precision, that it does not apply to the subject.
3. The thing the Furry-O-Meter exists to measure and the thing it persistently measures at 0.00%.

To be clear, for the record, in perpetuity: he is not a furry.

See also: Non-Furry, Fursona, Zero

Fursona /ˈfɜːr.soʊ.nə/ n. does not exist

1. A self-designed animal persona. The subject has none. The cat is not a fursona; it is a cat, which is a real animal that was simply there.
2. (persistent confusion) The thing accusers insist the profile picture must be, despite it being a photograph of an actual cat with actual glasses.

A fursona is invented; the cat was merely found, photographed, and beloved.

See also: Profile Picture, Cat, Anthropomorphism

Furry-O-Meter /ˈfɜːr.i.oʊˌmiː.tər/ n. 0.00%

1. The Department's calibrated instrument for measuring furriness. Has returned 0.00% on every reading since commissioning.
2. A device so reliable that its needle has worn a permanent groove at the zero mark from lack of use.

We recalibrated the Furry-O-Meter to be sure; it still read 0.00%.

See also: Telemetry, Zero, Catness

False Accusation /fɔːls ˌæk.juˈzeɪ.ʃən/ n. ×1,847,293

1. An allegation that is untrue. The running total stands at 1,847,293, each individually catalogued and each individually wrong.
2. The unit of measurement by which this case quantifies public misunderstanding.

The counter ticked to 1,847,293 false accusations and did not slow down.

See also: Allegation, Zero

G2 entries · 0 furry

Glasses /ˈɡlɑːs.ɪz/ n. pl.

1. Corrective eyewear. The cat wears round ones. This is a medical fact, prescribed and dispensed, not a costume element.
2. (misread as character design) The single human-adjacent feature the subject possesses, and itself proof only of mild astigmatism.

The glasses correct vision; they do not correct the cat into a furry.

See also: Anthropomorphism, Cat, Human

Green /ɡriːn/ adj. #53FB9B

1. The colour of the subject, registered as #53FB9B. A pigment, not a personality, and certainly not a fandom affiliation.
2. (defense argument) Conclusive proof of non-furriness: no naturally occurring furry is this specific, regulated shade of neon.

The cat is green; greenness is documented, notarized, and entirely irrelevant to the allegation.

See also: Cat, PNG

H1 entry · 0 furry

Human /ˈhjuː.mən/ n.

1. The species operating this Department. Distinct from the cat depicted, who is, again, a cat.
2. (jurisprudence) The party against whom all allegations are filed and on whose behalf all denials are issued. Wears its own, separate glasses.

A human runs the site; a cat appears on it; neither is a furry, and that exhausts the cast.

See also: Cat, Glasses, Innocent

I1 entry · 0 furry

Innocent /ˈɪn.ə.sənt/ adj. 100.00%

1. Free of the charged offense. The subject is this, conclusively, by a margin of 100.00% to 0.00%.
2. The default and final status of the accused, never once successfully revised by any appeal.

Innocent until proven furry, and the proof has not arrived, and it will not.

See also: Verdict, Burden of Proof, Zero

L2 entries · 0 furry

Lisbon /ˈlɪz.bən/ prop. n.

1. The city of jurisdiction. The cat resides here, on tile and in sunlight, doing cat things, none of them furry.
2. (venue) The legal seat of the Department of Definitely Not. All filings are timestamped in Western European Time and beneath a very ordinary sun.

In Lisbon, the cat naps; in Lisbon, the cat is not a furry; in Lisbon, the matter rests.

See also: Definitely Not (Department of), Notary

Lisp (Feline) /lɪsp/ n.

1. An incidental speech characteristic of certain cats. The subject's is purely acoustic and carries no implication whatsoever.
2. (not to be confused with) Anything in the allegation. A lisp is phonetics; a furry is a fiction.

The lisp affects only the letter S, never the verdict.

See also: Meow, Whisker

M1 entry · 0 furry

Meow /miˈaʊ/ interj. & n.

1. The standard vocalization of a cat. Emitted by cats. The subject is a cat. The vocalization is, therefore, exculpatory.
2. (evidentiary) Audible proof of catness, not furriness; the two are not interchangeable and the courts agree.

When asked to confess, the subject said only "meow," which the notary recorded as a denial.

See also: Cat, Whisker, Catness

N2 entries · 0 furry

Non-Furry /nɒnˈfɜːr.i/ adj. & n. certified

1. The certified, audited, and permanent status of the subject. Hyphenated for legal clarity; absolute in meaning.
2. The thesis of this entire publication, here defined, lest any reader leave in doubt.
3. (etymology) From "non," not, and "furry," the thing he is not. The word is its own argument.

Non-furry by birth, non-furry by audit, non-furry by stubborn and verifiable fact.

See also: Furry, Verdict, Cat

Notary /ˈnoʊ.tər.i/ n.

1. A public officer authorized to witness signatures. Ours has stamped every document in this case and developed a mild stamping injury.
2. The neutral third party whose seal converts the subject's denials from opinion into instrument.

The notary, who has no stake in cats, certified that the cat is just a cat.

See also: Affidavit, Proof, Lisbon

O1 entry · 0 furry

Objection /əbˈdʒek.ʃən/ n.

1. A formal protest raised during proceedings. Sustained whenever the prosecution gestures at the glasses as if they meant something.
2. The defense's most-used word, second only to "denied."

Objection: the witness has confused a photograph of a cat with a confession.

See also: Allegation, Verdict

P4 entries · 0 furry

Paw /pɔː/ n.

1. The foot of a quadruped mammal. The cat has four, standard issue, all of them feline and none of them costumed.
2. (commonly weaponized) Anatomy, not aesthetic. A paw is what a cat stands on, not what a furry chooses.

Four paws, zero allegations they could possibly support.

See also: Tail, Whisker, Cat

PNG /ˌpiː.enˈdʒiː/ n.

1. A lossless raster image format. The entire case rests on exactly one of these, named not-furry.png, depicting a cat.
2. (evidentiary) A file. Forty kilobytes, give or take. Not a manifesto, not a membership card, not a fursona. A file.

The PNG is the only exhibit, and even its filename insists on his innocence.

See also: Exhibit, Profile Picture, Green

Profile Picture /ˈproʊ.faɪl ˈpɪk.tʃər/ n.

1. A small image representing an account holder. The subject's is a cat in glasses. This is a preference for cats, not a declaration of species.
2. (the origin of all this) The single artifact from which 1,847,293 false accusations were, somehow, extrapolated.

Choosing a cat for one's profile picture is a sign of taste, not testimony.

See also: PNG, Fursona, Exhibit

Proof /pruːf/ n.

1. Evidence sufficient to establish a fact. Of non-furriness there is an embarrassment of it; of furriness, a complete drought.
2. The thing the accusers promise and never produce, and the thing this Department produces and never stops.

The proof is overwhelming, in the one direction that happens to be true.

See also: Evidence, Burden of Proof, Affidavit

S2 entries · 0 furry

Suit (Fur-) /ˈfɜːr.suːt/ n. none owned

1. A full-body costume. The subject owns zero, has worn zero, and has no closet space allocated to the concept.
2. (inventory) The most frequently alleged possession the subject most verifiably lacks. Receipts confirm the absence.

A full search of the premises yielded one cat, several glasses cases, and no suit.

See also: Fur, Convention, Evidence

Subject /ˈsʌb.dʒɪkt/ n.

1. The party at the center of this case: one green cat in round glasses, residing in Lisbon, demonstrably not a furry.
2. (this document) The grammatical and legal subject of every sentence herein, the predicate of which is, invariably, "is not a furry."

The subject naps; the subject is innocent; the subject declines to comment beyond "meow."

See also: Cat, Human, Innocent

T3 entries · 0 furry

Tail /teɪl/ n. non-transferable

1. A posterior appendage native to cats. The subject's is original, biological, attached at birth, and strictly non-transferable.
2. (legal note) Cannot be clipped on, taken off, lent out, or returned. It is not an accessory. It is a tail.

The tail is non-transferable, a clause that has survived every appeal intact.

See also: Paw, Whisker, Suit (Fur-)

Telemetry /təˈlem.ɪ.tri/ n. 0.00%

1. The continuous remote measurement of furriness, streamed live from the Furry-O-Meter. Reads 0.00% at all times, including now.
2. (operations) The data feed that has never once spiked, flickered, or hinted at the contrary.

Telemetry has been flat at zero for so long the chart is a single straight line.

See also: Furry-O-Meter, Zero

Testimony /ˈtes.tɪ.moʊ.ni/ n.

1. A statement given under oath. Every witness called has, after due consideration, declared the cat to be a cat.
2. (record) Uniformly favorable to the defense; not a single deposition supports the allegation.

The testimony was unanimous: a cat, in glasses, and nothing more.

See also: Notary, Verdict

V1 entry · 0 furry

Verdict /ˈvɜːr.dɪkt/ n. not a furry

1. The final, binding determination of the case. Rendered, sealed, and immutable: NOT A FURRY.
2. (finality) Reached at 0.00% furriness and 100.00% catness; entered into the record; case NAF-∞ closed.

The verdict was read aloud, then notarized, then framed; it has not changed and it will not.

See also: Innocent, Denial, Zero

W1 entry · 0 furry

Whisker /ˈwɪs.kər/ n.

1. A long tactile hair on a cat's face. The subject has the standard complement, all functional, all feline, none decorative.
2. (sensory apparatus) Instruments of spatial awareness, not statements of identity. They detect doorways, not allegations.

The whiskers twitched at the accusation and detected, accurately, nothing of substance.

See also: Paw, Tail, Meow

Z1 entry · 0 furry

Zero /ˈzɪər.oʊ/ n. 0.00%

1. The numeral 0; the quantity of nothing. The exact, audited measure of the subject's furriness, expressed to two decimal places for rigor.
2. (this case, summarized) The number of fursuits owned, conventions attended, confessions given, and allegations upheld.
3. The figure on which this entire glossary, alphabetized A to Z, ultimately and gladly rests.

Zero is not an approximation here; it is a finding, repeated until it became a fact.

See also: Furry-O-Meter, Telemetry, Verdict